Our Folded Hands

Women helping Women. Reaching out to the Sister who still suffers. Helping each other through the Good times and the Difficult times. To get to the SOBER way of life, One Day at a Time.

I’ve Lived 2 Different Lives

I feel like I have lived 2 different lives in just one lifetime. The life of an alcoholic and addict and the life of a more normal sane person. The first time I drank I was in 3rd grade and it was also the first time I got extremely drunk. By 5th grade my friends and I were stealing bottles of wine from our parents and drinking. In 7th grade an older sister was giving me hard drugs like acid and angel dust. In High school I drank regularly, during the school day and every weekend. I never felt like I fit in and thought I was different than other people. I was also very shy in grade school and high school. In high school the drinking made me much more social and life of the party. I drank and partied a lot, at age 17 I stopped going home on the weekends. I wanted to go to college, but knew I wouldn’t ever get through college hanging around with the friends I was, so I stopped socializing with a whole group of people I knew. But then, as it usually happens, I just made new friends at school who partied just as much. I was a binge drinker until age 23, then I started to drink every day. I Would go to school and then drink and do my homework, then go to work. Every day for 2 months I told myself I wouldn’t drink and then ended up drinking. Then I would think well I blew so it so might as well keep drinking. During this time I also did many drugs. I was put on academic probation during this time and needed to bring my grades up or I would get kicked out. Also I was asked to leave a job for being a bad influence on the staff. I was having blackouts, not knowing how I drove home, passing out, sleeping around a lot and in general not in control of my life. Also was arrested for open alcohol in the car. By this time I had driven drunk dozens of times, once a passenger stopped me from having a head on collision. They say you drive drunk about 12 times for each time you get caught. I tried quitting many times, but could never stay quit longer than a few weeks. I tried AA once when I was 19, they did a first step meeting and I left thinking I was no where near as bad as they were and went out drinking for 7 more years. When I came back I knew I wanted to quit drinking for good and was willing to do whatever I was told and I have now been sober over 32 years. I got a sponsor and did what she told me, worked the steps and life started to get better. My family and friends started to respect me again and treat me as an equal. I thought God had abandoned me when I was drinking, but I realize I had abandoned God, now God is a big part of my life. I have had very good jobs over the years and have traveled all over the world on vacation. If anyone would have told me how good my life would have turned out I wouldn’t have believed them, but life is great. Next year I will be retiring at age 60. I have been blessed to live a sober life.

4 Responses

  1. I can only dream of having such good fortune in my recovery. I can relate to your story in so many different areas of my life to. Thank you for sharing your story, it is an inspiration.

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If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.