Old things were stirring: the old illness of remembering was going to start again. —Rosamond Lehmann—
Does the act of remembering ever resemble an illness? Yes, if it causes pain. For many of us, memories of our past behavior seem to live in cages, like wild animals; if we enter the cages, the beasts attack us.
Why do we give memory the power to wound? We sometimes seem to want the unproductive pain of shameful remembrance, as though we had sentenced ourselves to feel badly, as if our pain could alter the past—or pay for it.
It’s time to forgive ourselves. We know what’s past is past, and the only time we have is the present. We may feel as though we carry a complicated weight of guilt and shame, but the act of releasing ourselves is simple—an act of self-acceptance. Let us greet the present in the present in the best way we know, and let go of regrets.
I will tame my memories, so that they become my companions if I choose.