Two great human institutions were apparently inaugurated together, proprietary marriage and the division of society into master and servants. —Emily James Putnam—
Just as every generation must invent sex for itself, so every committed relationship must invent equality. The concept is an old one; histories and civic books are
full of it; but most of us have precious little experience of it in our lives.
Unfortunately, most of life is some variation of a dominant-subordinate relation. However loving our parents and teachers, they definitely have the upper
hand. We play games to win; we’re ranked at school and at work. We learn to jockey for position, to manipulate, to get what we want from those we perceive as above us and below us on the scales.
For many of us, intimate relationships present a new challenge: how to get along as an equal. With no assumption of superiority or inferiority, sometimes we’re at a loss. How does one act with an equal? Who Gets to decide? What are the rules?
Emotional openness, honesty, and willingness to task risks can bring most of us to the point where we can share equally—or, at least, discuss the issues with a partner. It’s hard to let go of our old place on the ladder—to decide to be neither a master nor a servant.
Rare is the experience of equality. I will let myself be open to it.