…we have
grown into one as we slept and
now I can’t jump
Because I can’t let go your hand.
—Marina Tsvetayeva—
Long intimate relationships often confuse us. We may lose where our individual boundaries are. We confuse our desires and our pain with another person’s—our spouse or lover, our parent, sibling, or child. When that relationship changes, when the other person dies or leaves or forms another intimate bond, we may feel wounded and desperate, unsure of who we are.
The blurring of boundaries is never healthy for us—although we may not feel the damage at first. Sound relationships are carefully made; we enter into them without giving away our own authentic response to life. When relationships change, of course we may feel pain; but we need not feel the awful confusion that comes from having given pieces of ourselves away.
I’ll adjust my focus so there are no blurred areas in my relationships. For me to love well, I need to know
where I stand.