I am so afraid of giving up complete control to my Higher Power. I want to Trust Him with my whole life! For when I look back on the wreck I made of my life when drinking and drugging, the choices I was making. I say to myself, ” How can I think of considering anything less than this? Am I crazy? I realize that I am human and I get in fear and it grips me hard and I get scared really really bad! I seemingly take it out on ever one around me, I get very irritable and discontent event to be around myself… I pray about it, I go to meetings, I talk to people in the program about it. I sit in dark corners holding myself screaming out to this Thing I call a Higher Power asking …BEGGING … HELP ME??? WHY ??? It HURTS SO BADDD??? I CRRYY, AND SOB AND SOB SOME MORE… I KEEP ASKING CAN YOU HEAR ME GOD , I NEED YOUR HELP RIGHT NOW, I KNOW YOU SEE MY PAIN,,, I BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE REAL, HELP ME TO TURN THESE HOLES OVER TO YOU, LET ME KNOW THAT YOU ARE IN CONTROL , I turn it all over to YOU… For I really have no control,,, just complete defeat and acceptance of… HI , I am an Alcoholic..